Indiana Pacers Vs Miami Heat: A Comparison

By May 18, 2014Featured, Sports

So right about now the Indiana Pacers are facing the dreaded Miami Heat in a rematch of last year’s Eastern Conference Finals.  While many may talk about the Pacers chances given their struggles as of late or how well the Heat will do considering the late season surge they had, these two teams match up surprisingly well.  However talking statistics and figures means absolutely jack if the shots aren’t falling.  But what if you know nothing about free throw averages, how often someone gets into foul trouble, how many championships each team has won, or any of that stuff?  If you are a casual fan who wants to get behind either the Heat or the Pacers without being a bandwagon jumper, how do you find a way to figure out who’s better?  Simple.  You judge each team by intangibles, things you can’t do on the court.  Things you can get into drunken arguments about at bars even when it isn’t basketball season.  That way, once it’s all said and done, there will be no question as to who is the better team.  Let’s get ready to rumble!

 

heat_fan.jpg.size.xxlarge.promoMiami+Heat+v+Indiana+Pacers+Game+Three+z5zlKZaxf_vlNormal Pacers Fans

VS

Normal Heat Fans

 

 

 While there have been known to have been a few buttheads in the stands at times, Pacers fans for the most part are rabid basketball junkies who are not only passionate about their team, but pretty witty with the signs they bring to the game.

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I’m not going to say that this is “witty” but it’s pretty damn effective…

Meanwhile, the only sign this female Heat fan is showing in this picture is definitely not meant to show the Bulls that she thinks they’re Number 1.  And speaking of “rabid”, if she would have yelled at Joakim Noah any louder, that knot of hair on the top of his head would have run away screaming back to the Windy City out of sheer terror alone.

Winner:  Pacers

 

indiana-pacers-fan         Crazy Ass Pacers Fans heat-fans

                         VS

           Crazy Ass Heat Fans

 

 

Now it takes a whole lot of guts to come out to the stadium dressed up like an insane asshole all in the name of supporting your favorite team, especially if you have a respectable position at a law firm or a school that you have to maintain.  Yet the die hard fans among us love nothing more than treating every home game like it’s a sports themed version of Halloween.  Our Pacers representative rocks his Transformers/Macho Man garb at all home games and and even does the same for the Colts as well.  On the other side of the table, these four guys are shooting for something, but I don’t know what it is.  Frat boy ghosts?  Survivors of an explosion at the Wite-Out factory?  I just don’t get it.  I would give them an A for effort, but unfortunately my guy repping the “H” loses it for his squad simply by having his paint job peel.  If you’re going to paint yourself up to look like an extra strength batch of nightmare fuel, don’t half ass it.  ALWAYS go with at least two coats.

Winner:  Pacers

 

mascot1_Indhpg1011_burnie1_110404            Best Mascot:

          Boomer

       VS

         Burnie

 

 

 

Seriously?  Do we even have to do this one?  When every photo you find of a team’s mascot on Google Image Search either shows them surrounded by beautiful women in a staged setting or looking like a gigantic doofus in real life, that is a sign your mascot may suck.  I tried to do this one justice, really I did, but the only pictures that I could find of this abomination called Burnie make him look like either a total douchenozzle or a Muppet from the bad part of Sesame Street that teaches kids all about date rape.  He may as well be a eunich driving a Porsche, because chicks may dig the fact he’s with a pro sports team, but they sure as hell aren’t around him because he’s awesome.  Beat it, Big Nose.

Winner:  Pacers

 

pacesmatescheerleaders-the-miami-heat-dancers-united-states-usa-pictures-148742Best Dance Squad:

Indiana Pacemates

VS

The Miami Heat Dancers

 

Now to be quite honest, unless you go to the games, most fans don’t get to see these young ladies perform any of their whole routines at all simply because they normally get shown when the game is coming back from commercial or something.  However it takes a lot of talent to do high energy performances not only at games but at appearances in the community, therefore my hat goes off to both groups.  So at first I was going to call this one a draw until I did another Google Image Search and found this:

256906983_origGood God.  No wonder LeBron felt the need to “take his talents to South Beach”.

                                                                      Winner:  Heat

 

artesttumblr_miebg0Jekt1rtsqf5o1_500      Most Talented Troublemaker:

Ron Artest

VS

Alonzo Mourning

 

 

 

I know, I know, the “Let’s Bash Ron Artest” train has long since left the station, ever since “The Malace in the Palace” back in 2005.  However, whenever haters want to make fun of the Pacers, a lot of them fall back on Artest and the rest of the squad that thought it was a good idea to try and fight an entire stadium.  However when it comes down to it on the Heat side of things, Alonzo Mourning was one of the dirtiest players in their team’s history.  He was all about being physical by mixing it up and getting chippy with people under the basket constantly.  He was known for All-Star level talent and leadership but he was also just as known for getting into flailing, gangly limbed fistfights all the damn time.  In fact, I only settled on this picture of him simply because he’s attempting a crossface chickenwing on DENNIS RODMAN.  That almost equals the Pacers attempting to do their own version of the final battle from “300” in my book.

Winner:  Draw

 

LilWayne-Pacers-Karen-Civil

             Celebrity You’d Rather

See At A Game:Justin Bieber at the Pacers Heat game(2)

Lil’ Wayne

VS

Justin Beiber

 

 

Hah, We’re not even gonna get into this one.

nbaPACERS

Winner:  Rupert

(and by default, Pacers)

 

foxiest5pacers_20130529184223445_600_400heat heather-shanholtz-HeatSexiest Female Fan Pics Online:

Pacers

VS

Heat

 

 

I was definitely going to make this into a category because the Midwest and Florida both have some mighty fine women running around.  However, after I found the pic of the cutie in the Pacers jersey, I kinda hit a brick wall in the way of hot girls putting up pics of themselves in their Pacers gear.  Meanwhile I find this:  heat 4f79cf834aa44

And this:   Heat 4_large

And this:

25

Shit, even Burnie got in on the act!

sfl-fox-sports-florida-girls-20120813-025

“Hey ladies, why don’t we go back to the locker room and- uh, why hello officer! Nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?”

Dammit, that’s not even fighting FAIR!

Winner:  Heat

 

So once the smoke clears, who comes out on top?  Well it looks like based off of this informal comparison, the Pacers are up four to two, which on paper makes them the better team.  Now to see if that translates into success in the real world.  GO PACERS!!

8X11h.St.56

You’d better hope so because I wouldn’t want to see Boomer have to choke a bitch…